i realize this post is lame.

sometimes in life, you have to accept things the way they are. whether you want to or not. it's really not up to you. or me in this case. it's starting to catch up with me. acceptance is beginning to occur again. realization is beginning to occur again. yeah this is not the most fun part of my day. i hate realization. also realizing that i have been very negative lately. i need to knock that off i think. i've had just about enough of that.
dedications?
this dedication goes to Jesus Christ- thanks for listening to my million prayers a billion thousand times a day. i know i'm a whiny bitch, so thanks for sticking it out with me. love you long time.

new week.

rough night. things will be better though. oh, and i changed my mind. guys are assholes, yes. the majority of guys are giant, nasty, awful chodes. true statement. however, not all guys fit into this category. strange, i know. but it's true. but things will be better now.

i think William Shakespeare said it best:
"Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself."

deal. thank you Willy for summing up the majority of my evening. it's okay though.
- dear nice boy: thanks.

currently: indifferent.

life is happening. and i don't have anything in boxes. i begin to move in one day. don't ask me why i have nothing packed. i couldn't tell ya. however, i do believe i could tell ya that one of the reasons i haven't boxed anything up yet it because somehow, i have myself convinced that if i don't do it, it's not happening. if i don't pack, i'm not leaving. sure, i'm stoked to begin a new chapter in my life up at the university. but do i have to do it away from my family? and my friends? and my dogs? because i'm the favorite, and my puppies need me. it's only 20 minutes away. but that's just not good enough. as for some of my closest friends? they're sailing a bit further. at least 2 hours further. i can't help but feel like a heartless bitch due to the fact that i haven't cried yet. i just don't think the reality has quite hit me. maybe that's why i haven't started packing. everyone around me is cramming in as many lunch dates and play times as humanly possible, and i sit with an open schedule. people are teary over goodbyes and good lucks, and at the end of each day, i never say goodbye. i never say good luck. not yet anyway. why should i? it's not happening. right? don't get me wrong, i would like to be slapped in the face by the cold, but oddly welcoming hand of 'here and now'. but it's just not happening for me. i'm not crying. i'm not packing. i suppose soon enough i'll have to start. the burning question lingers. will reality finally be accepted? stay tuned to find out.