new week.

rough night. things will be better though. oh, and i changed my mind. guys are assholes, yes. the majority of guys are giant, nasty, awful chodes. true statement. however, not all guys fit into this category. strange, i know. but it's true. but things will be better now.

i think William Shakespeare said it best:
"Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself."

deal. thank you Willy for summing up the majority of my evening. it's okay though.
- dear nice boy: thanks.

an update.

i must say, i deeply apologize for my lack of attentiveness in the blog department. you know college, it will grab hold of you with its claws of craziness and swing you around in circles until you feel like you're going to hurl. and when it finally sets you back down after about two or three weeks of straight nausea and adjusting to the dizziness, it can take you a moment or two to find some natural balance in your life again. however, i can proudly say that i've successfully found it (for the most part). of course, i still have issues i need to adjust. for example, i still can't get into the habit of studying. mom/dad, if you're reading this, rest assured that your college investments aren't going to waste. i'm doing a good job of working things out, and finding the time to get in everything that needs to be done. i have a feeling my marks won't disappoint (or that's what i hope..) but thanks for believing me when i tell you i have everything under control..even though i usually don't..and always being there to help me with anything at anytime. you guys are truly the bees knees. a few other updates. over the past few weeks i have traded and given away (or had snatched off my wrist) many of my colorful silly bands. the man who i stalked and placed pictures all over the internet of found me on facebook (do not ask me how, i was too afraid to ask him myself) which was most likely the most embarrassing moment of my life. i participated in a charity walk for NAMI (an organization which promotes research of mental illness and providing excellent rehab services), and have made a mess of my room over and over and over. my milk went sour once again, and i have painted my nails about 20 total times (and am currently not wearing any, due to the fact that i peeled it off in writing today. bad habit.) i spend the majority of my time over at the Kappa Sigma fraternity, and those boys are too incredible. have to give a little shout out to them. i love you all dearly. i eat a cheddar pull-apart from the pie about every two weeks, and that sugary ranch dressing adds quite the kick. oh, and my roomies and i are basically in love with each other:) it honestly couldn't be a better situation. i'm currently listening to john mayer, and living at ease, although i have a family studies midterm tomorrow morning which i may or may not be prepared for. all in all, college is truly amazing. it definitely throws a curveball at me every now and again (neighbors above me, whoever you are...i would prefer it if i didn't have to listen to your music with you. it's not that i don't like underground hip hop, i just can't hear myself think, that's all. turn it off, or at least a few notches lower. srsly.) love you college. see you tomorrow<3:)
shout outs:
- to my bf paula: i love our open relationship and miss you way more than anyone should. last weekend was mediocre. next time i see you, we're gonna bake...and i mean that.
- to my kappa sigma boys: i realize i already mentioned you previously, but i basically live at your house, and you don't make me pay for rent or any of your resources. i just love hangin with you guys. for realzies. thanks for always making me feel welcome and right at home. you guys are the tits:)
- to my professors: i'm sorry for peeling my nail polish off and leaving it under your desks..i realize it creates a mess. i promise, it's a habit i'm trying to break. (oh, and professor kaufman, sorry my paper sucks. alright, that's all.)
- to bre: thanks for friday visits:) college is better than i could have ever imagined, and i'm so glad to have you right here, next door to me at our good friend Westminny. love you chummet<3
- to mom and dad: you're my mom and dad. so of course you get a dedication. duh. love you guys:) tell marshall and the pupps i say hey. i miss them so much.

til we meet again fellow bloggers. ciao.

1 + 2= 12. yes. check.

college has proven to be many things so far. informative, confusing, terrifying, testing, awesome, lonely..just to name a few. my first week on my own was chalk full of ups & downs. for example, losing my Ucard and key to my room on the second day of classes was truly excellent. really. loved it. thank you housing office for making it apparent that i am an idiot. i realize this. however, thank you also for helping me fill out a meal verification card so i don't starve, giving me a temporary key and Ucard, and ordering a change of locks on every door in my dorm for the price of 60 big ones. you all are too fun, and i will be sure to never make that mistake again. on the other hand, i have also come across many great things this past week. i've run into old friends, made some amazing new friends, grocery shopped on my own, and learned some valuable lessons. already. it's been great. difficult, stressful, and weird, but nonetheless, great. i am definitely excited for the year to come. now for a few dedications.
to skype: thank you for keeping me in touch with my friends. i would perish without you.
to mom & dad: thank you for bringing up the puppies today and supplying me with everything i could ever need for the year ahead. oh and thanks for loving me. duh.
to all the food i bought this week: thank you for nurturing my body with your salty and sugary goodness. i am looking forward to all the extra pounds you have in store for me.
to the scented bamboo sitting on my shelf: every time i walk in my room and take in your citrusy goodness i just die.
to my incredibly big and ugly backpack: although i dislike you extremely so, i must admit you have done a great job of safely hauling my massive laptop and heavy books from class to class. however, try to be easier on the shoulders, or you will be seeing less and less of college campus.
to my amazing roomies: i love you all to death. even though your drunken friends are somewhat out of control, they still entertain me, and i love listening to your stories about their everyday nonsense. you all make me laugh hard, and i love it when you sit in my room with me and snack on my goodies:)
to all boys: grow up and turn into men. some things never change.
to the university shuttles: thank you for shipping me from place to place on a regular basis. my body would not survive without you.
to the college campus: good times are in store for us. i just know it.

acceptance.

the tears snuck up on me tonight. packing has begun.

currently: indifferent.

life is happening. and i don't have anything in boxes. i begin to move in one day. don't ask me why i have nothing packed. i couldn't tell ya. however, i do believe i could tell ya that one of the reasons i haven't boxed anything up yet it because somehow, i have myself convinced that if i don't do it, it's not happening. if i don't pack, i'm not leaving. sure, i'm stoked to begin a new chapter in my life up at the university. but do i have to do it away from my family? and my friends? and my dogs? because i'm the favorite, and my puppies need me. it's only 20 minutes away. but that's just not good enough. as for some of my closest friends? they're sailing a bit further. at least 2 hours further. i can't help but feel like a heartless bitch due to the fact that i haven't cried yet. i just don't think the reality has quite hit me. maybe that's why i haven't started packing. everyone around me is cramming in as many lunch dates and play times as humanly possible, and i sit with an open schedule. people are teary over goodbyes and good lucks, and at the end of each day, i never say goodbye. i never say good luck. not yet anyway. why should i? it's not happening. right? don't get me wrong, i would like to be slapped in the face by the cold, but oddly welcoming hand of 'here and now'. but it's just not happening for me. i'm not crying. i'm not packing. i suppose soon enough i'll have to start. the burning question lingers. will reality finally be accepted? stay tuned to find out.

you would take pictures too.

so here's the thing. a few weeks ago, my family and i were having a shed built in our backyard. not a big deal. however, i come home from a sleepover and i find THIS in my backyard. CLEARLY A BIG DEAL. here's my outlook on the whole phenomenon. as a photographer, it's my duty to capture the beautiful things in life. things i am passionate for. things i love to look at. things i know others will love to look at. such as other girls or gay men. I HAD TO PHOTOGRAPH HIM. how could i not? seriously. how could i not. answer that question. YOU CAN'T. this doesn't happen in real life!! this never happens! you never come home and find a so magnificently sculpted bronze god in your backyard shirtless and carrying power tools. it just doesn't happen. this is the kind of thing that happens in movies only. the kind of thing that makes you stare at the TV screen and think to yourself, "this is so not fair." no. it happened. he was there. merely 20 feet away from me. and so i took it upon myself to fulfill the duty of photographer. and you know what? i'm not ashamed! sure, it's a mildly creepy thing to do. but hey. just look at the paparazzi! they get paid to do creepy things like this! anyway, feel free to gander, enjoy, and experience the world of what we all thought was impossible. because if you were given this opportunity, and you had an expensive camera with a super zoom lens, you would take pictures too.

74 and counting. a list of things i love.

alright. so after being nagged by one of my closest friends (court), i will now also become intoxicated by happy. overjoyed by a few things i love to love. here's a small list of a few of the many things that intoxicate me with happiness:) 

(in no particular order)

1. wearing absolutely no makeup.

2. my old, nasty mickey mouse sweatshirt that i got at the D.I. for 2 buckaroons.

3. putting my hair in a crazy ugly bun and not caring.

4. rapping all the words to my favorite eminem songs.

5. hanging out with my mom.

6. long talks with my mom.

7. the PINK collection from victoria's secret.

8. coming up with creative ideas for photo shoots and capturing them.

9. causing people joy even though the cause of joy may be my own pain (e.g. wisdom teeth, falling over wheelchair ramps).

10. my new laptop.

11. thinking about what the future holds for me.

12. Christ.

13. nail polish.

14. clearance items.

15. indian/hispanic inspired clothing.

16. my tattoo.

17. chapstick.

18. working at a nacho joint where my boss is my friend, and someone i always share many great conversations with.

19. all animals in general. (spiders are not animals.)

20. the way my teeth feel after brushing and flossing.

21. the way hot, hot water feels on my skin during a shower after showering in cold community showers for a week.

22. my queen sized bed.

23. participating in charity efforts.

24. singing.

25. cafe rio's pork salads.

26. spending time with my oldest best friends.

27. spending time with my newest best friends.

28. when my brother and i sincerely enjoy each other's company.

29. dreaming of my wedding day while watching "Say Yes to the Dress".

30. dancing like a fool in public and not caring one bit about it.

31. being a bit out there.

32. saying what's on my mind and meaning every word of it.

33. standing up for what i believe in regardless of what anyone decides of it.

34. knowing what i stand for.

35. walking throughout my house, my back yard, or out to my car in nothing but my bra and panties.

36. being slightly provocative in public when i feel like it.

37. knowing that no matter what others think of me, i will never fail to be myself.

38. when my dad and i share our love of babies and non-annoying toddlers while (unintensionally creepily) staring and goo-goo-ga-ga-ing over other people's children in public.

39. reminiscing on old memories.

40. when my sweet puppies lay next to me and cuddle with me when i cry.

41. when my sweet puppies lay next to me and cuddle with me when the thunder scares the shit out of them.

42. giving makeovers.

43. drawing fake tattoos.

44. writing in cursive.

45. working out in spandex with paul.

46. walking along the waikiki strip.

47. going to frogurt and filling my cup up so much that it nearly overflows with toppings and deliciousness.

48. driving through the canyons by myself with the windows and sunroof down, while john mayer plays softly in the air.

49. laying in the sun.

50. swimsuit shopping.

51. waking up at a decent hour and feeling absolutely alive and refreshed.

52. holding hands.

53. wearing clothes that don't fit me.

54. my freckles.

55. driving through pouring rain, crackling thunder, and lighting in the middle of nowhere.

56. compliments.

57. spending time with certain people, doing and saying nothing, but still being perfectly content in the other's prescence .

58. amazing conversations.

59. letting go of grudges.

60. adorable panties.

61. wearing no panties.

62. movies that make me cry and cry because i can feel the reality in them.

63. putting my possible future childrens' names in my phone under a list of "baby names:)".

64. how safe and content i feel while lying in bed after a long and satisfying day.

65. knowing that i'm smarter than i often give myself credit for.

66. reading and hearing meaningful poetry.

67. all the material i managed to soak in during my senior year of english.

68. the fact that i am a soft-hearted and emotional girl who continually gives compassion and love to those around her, and even though it isn't always returned, it means no less to the ones who aren't ready to accept it.

69. how excited i am to see the movie "Eat. Pray. Love."

70. that many of my friends trust me enough to come to me when in need of a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a voice of advice, or arms to be wrapped in.

71. raw and honest relationships.

72. that my mom brought me lortab at 4:30 in the morning last night (due to my wisdom teeth pain), and layed with me in bed until i was able to fall asleep.

73. my incredible sony dslr camera. i love you.

74. exotically flavored yogurt.

i may add to this list later if anything else occurs to me.

a list of a few things that i love to love.

what a lovely little list.